thrusters on fool - Personal log since Stardate 2010.028

She wonders why I got interested?
I wonder about it also
It baffles me quite often
but it intrigues me even more so
that you could be somehow integrated
in my daily life, no matter how complicated
it is and can already be
I can be quite good with words
A venerable wordsmith a friend once called me
But at times I find myself not being able to
find the right words, no matter what I try to do
I suppose this sometimes happens
So I take a pause; my brain thinks, my heart listens
And now if you will allow me
I'll see if I can somehow clarify the initial query

Some say, roses are red
and that violets are blue
I'm thinking how I can fit this rhyme in
to make it work for me and you?
What I can say is some roses are indeed red
And some violets don't seem to be too blue
What got me in the first place interested
to you, I barely have a clue
But I'd very much like to find out so
I wonder if you'd help me out too?

What got me attracted: your ideas, your thoughts,
Got attracted to your agile mind
I've said this several times before
and that for me you're one of a kind
I do not think I've ever met or known
a girl who can stand up to me and my oddities,
my silliness, without herself being blown
away from me and my peculiarities

A friend to me, we say is what you are
Reminding me of a nightly star
that twinkles and glows, comes from afar
Those are closely what you do to me
No matter where you are.

It is bitter-sweet: parting
But at times we must do so
to achieve other things that're also rewarding
From a friend to a dear friend
separation can be quite wrenching
An ant doesn't want to leave its hill
An aged farmer finds it hard to forget farming still

Tossing and turning in bed, I ponder, and ask why?
I may be subconsciously going through your answers
You have a curious effect on me, I cannot lie
Perhaps from our exchanges I should take a breather?
At this point it would be difficult, I cannot deny
this peculiar arrangement, between you and I

In the end, I'm still left with questions
rather than all the answers, it seems
But I'd very much like to find them
Odd feelings abound in me, and in my dreams
What I do know is I hope you'll be patient enough
and that you see what I offer is no bluff
That we can get to know more about each other
and finally figure out the first question, the anomaly
To prove to you my friendship and dedication
as well as my unrelenting sincerity

interest, complicated, question, query, friend, effect, roses, violets, oddities, peculiarities, sincerity, wondering

To be more specific, this applies to mostly electrical, electronics, or computer engineers, but it can apply to other engineering fields as well:

An Engineer's Valentine

by Matthew Dalton

I was alone and all was dark
Beneath me and above
My life was full of volts and amps
But not the spark of love

But now that you are here with me
My heart is overjoyed
You've turned the square of my heart
Into a sinusoid

You load things from my memory
Onto my system bus
My life was once assembly code
It's now like C++

I love the way you solder things
My circuits you can fix
The voltage 'cross your diode is
much more than just point six

With your op-amps and resistors
You have built my integrator
I cannot survive without you
You're my function generator

You've changed my world, increased my gain
And made my math discreet
So now I'll end my poem here
Control, Alt, and Delete

:D

math, joke, engineer, valentine\\sday, poem, engineer\\svalentine, resistor, integrator, solder, circuit, assembly

It was a warm summer afternoon of 1996: the grass in our front yard was beginning to thin out or become light golden brown, but usually the it's the former. Being a child who has learned to use his imagination effectively, I can play for hours just by myself. I would really imagine and immerse myself in fantastical worlds or scenarios: space, a magical land, a city being attacked by a monster or a super-villain. Oftentimes my imagination was all I needed, especially since at that time my parents told me it was either comic books or action figures, and obviously I picked the former.

I would play hours upon hours, try to finish my 'work'-slash-'play' before lunch time or before it gets dark in the late afternoon, since the good prime time cartoons at that time started around 6pm. No cable TV or Internet downloads for myself at that time. So as spartan a living as it was, I still sometimes miss those days.

One can smell the warm but delicately refined breeze containing smells of grasses and some of the trees back then. Unfortunately most of those trees, I think, are now gone, though I can't be sure since it's been many years since I last went there.

I would like to describe in a bit more detail how it is I could play by myself day after day with just my imagination: I role play different roles in my story, often times super heroes and villains. But this particular short story will focus on one series of awkward events which a dear friend requested from me.

And so I was happily playing by myself as is usual, when my concentration was disturbed and my attention taken away by a low whistle. I immediately looked around and, about 15 feet away from me, standing out there along the sidewalk right beside our house, was a young girl, I would say about my age at that time or a perhaps a little older. She was just standing there smiling at me, and I stood at my place, stricken and smitten with the flooding of cacophonous thoughts and ideas in my head, such as 'what's she doing standing there?', 'what made her disturb my concentration?', 'Why did she whistle and why's she smiling at me?', 'Is she crazy?', 'Is she one of those body snatching aliens who've come to replace us?' and so on.

So there I was, frozen for a time, across time and space. I was looking at her and she was looking back intently also. She was wearing shorts as far as I can remember, a tank top, rubber slippers, and so I was more or less at that time I think. It was what kids were supposed to wear more or less at that time. I also can't remember much of her bodily and facial features, especially since the closest I got to her was about 10 feet. I can't even remember her hair, but I do remember she kept on smiling back at me. I also do remember she had this nice, light brown skin complexion, or what is sometimes referred to as 'kayumanggi'.

After standing quite still in my place for quite some time more or less, she left hurriedly towards the street perpendicular to ours. I didn't go to the sidewalk for fear of her returning and seeing me go and look after her. This 'incident' kept on happening for several more times during that summer, and perhaps even beyond that summer season. Not in consecutive days though. At the time I was still in the 'girls are icky' mode, and was almost already a complete geek/nerd, complete with eye glasses and such. I don't think I've ever told my parents about this incident, or series of incidents.

So it took me a while to figure some plausible reasons for these incidents: aside from her being an alien body snatcher, she could be seriously mentally ill, or an old woman who just hadn't aged physically, and she's trying to kidnap me or something (now I know this is a real medical condition). At times she even raised one arm towards me, and moved her finger/s in such a way as to make me come closer to her. What the? So somehow at some point the idea crossed my mind that she wanted to communicate and get to know me. I suppose when she passes by our house and our yard she often saw me playing by myself. Maybe she pitied me I thought long afterwards, or even 'liked' me. But why/how could she like me then? A geek/nerd kid? And personally I don't think I was even really attractive. So I wonder which was it?

Again, for several reasons, I never came closer to her. She looked sweet and all but perhaps even at that early stage of my life I was already starting to become quite prudent, a bit skeptical and pessimistic. So the summer passed slowly by but the incidences at times continued. Somehow I learned she was living in an area quite far from our house, where many of the financially less fortunate people lived. I'm not saying we were well off because we weren't. It's just that those people over that area had less means than some of us, and are probably part of a large percentage of the Filipino population.

Then many months later, she never passed by anymore. I still kept on playing outside by myself most of the time, but she never came back. Not that I was waiting for her to. Years went on and around the end of high school, I suddenly remembered her again somehow. I wondered what she was doing there in front of our house' sidewalk, smiling at me and signalling me to come closer to her? As I thought about these and the other 'kids' I used to know and at rare times, play with, especially with those who came from the less fortunate area, I came to a realization that she might not be smiling so much anymore. A lot of those kids, quite grown up same as I was by that time, supposedly ready for college life, were already getting married and getting pregnant and having kids. Unfortunately a lot of factors contributed to this, and a lot also failed them: education, parenting, social milieu and so on. Some were already living together who were just at my age or a few years older. Some already had babies, the lucky ones would have fathers/husbands with them, some don't. It can be a harsh reality for most of those people, but a reality nonetheless.

So as I was thinking to myself, not knowing how/where she was at that time, unfortunately what reality was telling me was that there was a high probability that she may already be living as a wife or a mother at that time.

reality, mothers, self, 1996, shortstory

After watching it for at least 4 times, here are some of the more memorable quotes (for me) from the breathtaking, astonishing, overwhelming, psychedelic, staggering, eye-popping, wondrous, awe-inspiring, (anybody notice that these are more or less synonyms of mind-blowing? ) absolutely cool movie:

(Quotes updated)

Jake: “Tommy was the scientist, not me. He was the one who wanted to get shot out in space to find the answers.
(Jake Sully talking to himself after getting out of cryo)

Jake: There’s no such thing as an ex-marine. I may be out, but you never lose the attitude. I told myself I could pass a test any man could pass. They can fix the spinal (chord) if you got the money. But not on vet benefits, not in this economy.
(Jake Sully to himself right after landing on Pandora)

Quaritch: You’re not in Kansas anymore. You’re on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen. Respect that fact, every second of every day. If there is a hell — you might want to go there for some R & R, after a tour on Pandora. Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubees.
(Miles Quaritch, during initial security briefing)

Grace: How much have you logged (link training)?
Jake: Zip. But I read the manual.
Grace: Tell me you’re joking.
Grace: So you just figured you’d come out here, to the most hostile environment known to man, with no training of any kind, and see how it went? What was going through your head?
Jake: (smiling) Maybe I’m sick of doctors telling me what I couldn’t do.
(Dr. Grace Augustine talking to Jake before his initial avatar linking)

Grace: (seeing avatar Jake curious about his queue) DOn’t play with that, you’ll go blind.
Jake: That’s kinda freaky.
(Grace to Jake before turning off the lights for bedtime)

Jake: Am I still with (Grace) Augustine?
Quaritch: On paper. You walk like one of her science pukes. You quack like one. But you report to me.
(Jake talking to Quaritch in the hangar area)

Grace: (To Lyle Wainfleet) Stay with the ship. One idiot with a gun is enough.
Jake: (smiling)
Wainfleet: You the man doc.
(During Jake’s first trip into the forests of Pandora)

Jake: So what about this one? Run? Don’t run? What?
Grace: Run! Definitely run!
(Jake asking Grace what to do with the Thanator eyeing him)

Neytiri: Don’t thank. You don’t thank for this. This is sad. Very sad only.
Jake: Okay, okay I’m sorry. Whatever I did I’m sorry.
Neytiri: All this is your fault, they did not need to die.
Jake: My fault? They attacked me. How am I to back–
Neytiri: Your fault! (pinning Jake to the ground). Your fault.
Jake: Easy, easy.
Neytiri: You’re like a baby, making noise, don’t know what to do.
Jake: Fine. Fine. If you love your little forest friends, why not let them just kill my ass? What’s the thinking?
Neytiri: Why save you?
Jake: Yeah, why save me?
Neytiri: You have a strong heart. No fear. But stupid, ignorant like a child.
(Jake and Neytiri talking for the first time, after Neytiri saves Jake)

Jake: I was a marine. A warrior — from the Jarhead clan.
(Jake talking to Eytucan during his interrogation)

Neytiri: Now you choose your Ikran (Banshee). This you must feel inside. If he also chooses you move quick like I showed.
You will have one chance Jake.
Jake: How will I know if he chooses me?
Neytiri: He will try to kill you.
Jake: Outstanding.
(Neytiri helping Jake to get his Ikran)

Grace: This is going to ruin my day
(After finding out that she’s been shot)

Norm Spellman: What’s the plan Jake?
Jake: There’s no plan.
Norm: (baffled) Tsu’tey’s olo’eyktan (clan chief) now, he’s not going to let you near that place.
Jake: I’ve got to try.
(Norm talking to Jake after they arrive near the Tree of Souls)

Outcast.
Betrayer.
Alien.
I was in a place the eye does not see.
I needed their help, and they needed mine.
But to ever face them again, I was going to have to take it to a whole new level.
(Jake’s ikran (banshee) arrives)
Sometimes your whole life boils down to one insane move.
(Jake talking to himself before bonding with the Toruc (the great Leonopteryx) )

The way I had it figured, Toruc is the baddest cat in the sky. Nothing attacks him — so why would he ever look up?
That was just a theory.
(Jake talking to himself before jumping to bond with Toruc)

I was afraid Jake, for my people. I’m not anymore.
(Neytiri to Jake after Jake arrives and has become Toruc Macto)

Jake: Look where we are Grace.
Grace: I need to take some samples.
(Jake brings the deathly ill Grace to the Tree of Souls)

Jake: (talking to Tsu’tey) With your permission, I will speak now. It would honor me by translating.
(Tsu’tey agrees to translate Jake’s speech into the Na’vi language)
The sky people have sent us a message, that they can take whatever they want.
And no one can stop them.
But we will send them a message.
You ride out as fast as the wind can carry you.
You tell the other clans to come.
You tell them Toruc Macto calls to them.
You fly now, with me. My brothers! Sisters!
And we will show the sky people, that they cannot take whatever they want!
And that this — this is our land!
(Jake giving his battle speech to the Na’vi, after Grace dies)

Jake: Give it up Quaritch. It’s all over.
Quaritch: Nothing’s over while I’m breathing.
Jake: I kind of hoped you’d say that.
(Jake to Quaritch in their final battle)

Quaritch: Hey Sully, how’s it feel to betray your own race?
You think you’re one of them? Time to wake up.
(Quaritch to Jake, before trying to kill human Jake in the link room)

Neytiri: Jake! My Jake!
(Gives human Jake the re-breather mask since human Jake is dying due to his exposure to Pandoran atmosphere)
Jake: (After several gasps of clean air) I see you.
Neytiri: I see you (eyes wet with tears).
(Jake and Neytiri touching each other’s hand, after Neytiri saves human Jake)

Jake: The aliens (humans) were sent back to their dying world, only a few were chosen to stay.
The time of great sorrow was ending. Toruc Macto was no longer needed.
(Jake’s monologue during the retreat of some of the RDA forces back to Earth)

Jake: Well I guess I better go. I don’t want to be late for my own party. It is my birthday after all. (smiling)
(Jake, during his last video log before finally being permanently transferred to his Avatar)

See an earlier form of the Avatar movie script, in PDF format, by James Cameron from Fox’s own site here. Some of the lines in that PDF file made it to the final version of the movie. It’s quite likely some of the other missing lines or scenes will make it to the extended DVD/Blu-Ray release, such as when Jake and Neytiri made love.

(Spoiler Alert!)

I’ve still yet to determine which ones from that earlier PDF file are canonical and which aren’t, such as Neytiri being 18 (in human years) during the events of the film, as well as her having a deceased sister, among others. Apparently, also in the earlier PDF file, Neytiri became pregnant at the end of the movie. I guess the scientists really did their homework when they mixed human and Na’vi DNA (according to Jake).

avatar, jakesully, neytiri, navi, omaticaya, scifi, jamescameron, quaritch, grace

Throughout my writer's block
how I wished I'd get hit by a rock
and get my writing momentum back
Never to lose my writing knack

Kept trying to rekindle the writing flame
You'd be surprised how a dame
outrightly inspired my writing's return
Unexpected, but I live and I learn

Somehow her writing inspired me
Amiably, I commented back with glee
Now that from the block I'm free
does she know it? Perhaps. Maybe.

Yet I write this as a thank you
For helping me get rid of my writer's block -- whew!

thanks, thankyou, appreciation, writersblock